I feel like cleaning and replacing the head of my electric toothbrush is a form of self-care that's not talked about enough. Just now I removed the crusty (really was awful, the bristles probably say something about my current level of stress) brush head, wiped off all the residual toothpaste and clipped in a new fitting. The process, the aftermath, I mean I myself even feel clean.
This week has been busy busy BUSY, let's get into it.
1. Jules and I escaped to IKEA in the week to buy stuff for the flat and purchase we did. New mugs, more cutlery, throw cushions, a table runner. Yes.
2. Look at these autumnal vibes in the living room, so cosy.
3. I made granola, again.
4. Double parked working from bed.
5. Ummm yes. I saw a gourmet fish finger sandwich recipe on TikTok and had to recreate. Comprised of some lettuce, a fair amount of mayonnaise and two fish fingers, each sandwich is cased inside a delicious brioche bun. (However, after three days of eating these consecutively, I felt sick).
Not pictured:
The fish tacos I made last night with out of date corn wraps and disintegrated fried fish. Disaster.
Other stuff:
I enjoyed the 'closing tabs' post where I wrote about webpages I was cleansing my phone of so here's this weeks offering. Do we just love one person forever? (Note I spelt person perdon because I was in a hurry for the answer). Wide leg suit pants. Gymshark shorts. Women's Air Force 1 shoes. London laundry services. Jennifer Connelly's Wikipedia page (I looked this up after watching half of A Beautiful Mind but felt odd because an ex said I looked like her). That stupid Listen Alike thing that Spotify rolled out in the week. The lyrics to My Best Friends in The World from Adventure Time. Cable Kickbacks. BBC News homepage. An introduction to the type of personality I have on 16personalities.com (I'm not going to share my result because I don't think it was right). Zara homepage. Define: ophthalmology. A Ramen recipe.
Yesterday I watched the RBG documentary on Netflix and started crying five minutes in. Truly incredible and aspirational. You have to watch it. (Jules and I also started watching Ratched but it's confusing me).
Quote forever: "Women belong in all places where decisions are being made. It shouldn't be that women are the exception." Ruth Bader Ginsburg
And another from the documentary: 'I ask no favours for my sex, all I ask of our brethren is that they will take their feet from off our necks' - Sarah Moore Grimké
Have a great week everyone,
Lauren xo
I'm currently eating my favourite Ben & Jerry's ice cream and listening to a Ted Talk while I reflect on the past week. We had some radiators installed in our flat on Tuesday and I have to say they've transformed the space. Is finding joy in this something that makes me an adult? I think so, yes. The electricians are coming back tomorrow to fix a light fitting, how exciting.
Did anyone else feel like this weekend was fast, I did so much and so little at the same time, how can that be???
1. It's JULES' birthday! Shoutout to the best flatmate who somehow, miraculously, managed to put up with me for five months when we were both not working and living through a global pandemic in lockdown.
2. I whipped this chocolate cake up today, I wish I could say I made it from scratch but I used a Betty Crocker box cake ha ha ha. Looks so good though! The icing is chocolate fudge!
3. Working in a cafe in the week. I think it's so crucial to get out of the flat sometimes when working from home (if you can!) Some places have super sucky WiFi though, so if you're settling down for the day somewhere find a spot with good internet.
4. Let's take a moment to talk about the AirPod Pros - in all seriousness the noise-cancelling setting brings my anxiety way, way, WAY down. I was working in a coffee shop the other day and I wasn't even playing any music, I just sat there with my AirPods in and I felt like I could properly collect my thoughts. As someone who struggles in busy social settings, this is amazing. Don't my piercings look cool here too!
5. Nuturious WFH lunch consisting of a half eaten caprese salad (I ate all the mozzarella), dairylea dunkers and a bottle of Curiosity Cola.
Other bits:
1. I have a reoccurring ganglion cyst (totally fine, none fatal) in my wrist that just hangs out there sometimes. I went to the doctors like, three years ago about it and he suggested draining the cyst. I had to hold my hand upright on the side of the desk while he produced the biggest needle I've ever seen in my life and proceeded to push it into the swelling on my wrist. I have never felt pain like that and he was, unfortunately, unable to extract any fluid. The procedure did alleviate some of the pressure from built up fluid but now the ganglion cyst has returned. She's back. That's it, that's the story.
2. I've started watching The Fall on Netflix which feels so bizarrely familiar, like I've seen it before?
Quote for the week: "Rowing harder doesn't help if the boat is headed in the wrong direction." - Organizational theorist Kenichi Ohmae on the difference between being efficient and being effective, which is from James Clear's 3-2-1 emails that I highly recommend subscribing to if you haven't already.
Until the next one!
Lauren xo
It's a Saturday night and I’m steadily closing tabs on my phone's browser because I feel anything past 40 is too many.
Signs you could be a hypochondriac? Gone. How to be emotionally available. Gone. Julia Roberts films. Gone. Steve Jobs quotes. Gone. Polyfilla. Gone. Who falls in love faster? Men vs women. Gone. TIPHEDE IKEA rug. Gone. (I quite liked that actually) A website about a podiatrist in the area. Gone. What’s the difference between a cold, the flu, seasonal allergies and coronavirus? Gone. (But I’ll be fishing through my history for that in five minutes) At least 15 tabs on cardigans. Gone. Can you take paracetamol tablets if you’ve used ibuprofen gel? Gone. The same website three times because I kept forgetting what I was searching for. Gone. The 36 questions that lead to love. Gone.
Ruthless.
I have two permanent tabs I never close. They remain at the top like limescale floating in a freshly made cup of tea, brewed from a kettle that’s not been cleaned in a while. Still good though. Tab one is the link to my final Masters' project that exists forever (I hope) on the printer’s website. It’s been two years since I graduated and I still look over this. It amazes me. Tab two is Le Labo Eau de Parfum - Another 13. Don’t talk to me till you’ve smelt it.
I now feel at least 1% digitally lighter.
It’s a real balmy evening in London and I’m writing this as I’m trying, yet again, to make an oversized shirt work for me. I bought a corduroy one a size too big so it’s essentially doubly oversized. In theory, this should look sexy, I should look sexy but I just look like a painter, every single time. Someone let me get behind a potter’s wheel, I’m ready...I’ve added a sweater vest and it’s only getting worse...Wait, it’s a moment!!...No, it’s not...Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Fuck, I hate doing returns.
Before I go I just wanted to share this poem I saw on the Overground while travelling home the other night - makes me feel a bit emotional.
BYE,
Lauren xo
Right now I can’t think of anything better than London in the morning, especially when the city is just waking up and the streets are a little quiet. (It does smell of last night's vomit but, but let me romanticise this moment).
I’m sat in a park, in the shade, listening to There She Goes by The La’s as if I’m the main character in the opening scenes of a terrible rom-com, hoping that somehow somewhere there is a guy listening to this song and thinking about me. It’s warm today and I strongly believe that these rare, sunny days in September are better than the scorching ones we had back in July. It feels like the beginning of summer all over again, not that we really had a summer this year. I'm perched on this bench, totally zoned out, thinking about how I want to order a shirt from Zara with balloon sleeves because I keep reading that style of shirt is on-trend but I’m not so sure. I'll wait for Emily to get here and I'll ask her, she'll know.
Another seven days clocked in 2020 let’s do it. This week was sooo busy and I tried to blog about how much I love morning showers but didn’t get around to it. Morning showers are like a new phenomenon for me because I never really had time for them before, ever, apart from when I was getting up at 5:45am to go to the gym, but like, what even was that.
1. Coffee and croissant this morning
2. This banana split made me want to throw up after working in a cafe/restaurant all day and sampling a majority of their menu in-between zoom calls.
3. I cooked some noodles! I cooked so many noodles I’ve been eating them for three days
4. Other parts of my diet include DairyLea Dunkers
(Swim Deep just came up on shuffle and I feel like I’m taking some sort of tragic nose drive into 2013)
5. I got my necklace repaired in Hatton Garden and they did such a fab job. I took it to Regency Jewels and can’t wait till I can go back with my fiancé and buy an engagement ring one day probably never.
6. London in the morning! Essential liquids.
7. I've just arranged these flowers, what do we think?
Other bits:
1. Oversized Poplin Shirt in question from Zara
2. I've started taking my phone off silent because I think it sounds cool when I type
3. I'm literally listening to Catfish & The Bottlemen, help.
4. Someone at work the other day told me that you can type 'year: XYZ' into the search bar on Spotify and it'll play any music from the year you put in, so like you could search 'year: 1998' and it'll just play all the songs that were popular that year. I had no idea about this, how do people discover this?
A quote for the week: "constant vigilance will not keep you from getting hurt" - something I saw on Pinterest
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
I've just finished doing a tax return for the first time ever and I feel like a fully-fledged adult. It's the most grown-up thing I've done in like... a while, besides walking into the jewellers and getting a necklace fixed like I was about to drop £10,000 on an engagement ring, for myself.
Anyway, another seven days down. Let's get into ittttt.
1. The bunting is finally finished wooooooo! I really like it, it's very delicate and the tape I've used to hold the letters down with isn't very sticky but yeah, it looks good. My 16-year-old Tumblr self would be proud.
2. I was up so early in the week one morning that I had enough time to make granola before work...
3. ...and the next day I made banana bread with chocolate chips.
4. Discovered this is what I look like after a work zoom call. I took a screenshot on Photobooth because I was too far from a mirror and couldn't be bothered to move and I just wanted to check if I looked alright. Did you know that zoom has a setting that's supposed to make you look better??
Other bits:
1. I don't have any pictures but I've finally made it back to the gym now they've reopened. (I honestly ache in places that I'd totally forgotten even exist, my ribs hurt, and my arms hurt, my knees hurt).
2. Jules and I bought a new coffee table from IKEA and it comes in two weeks - how exciting, another adult thing to add to the list.
3. I can't sleep at the moment, honestly, I feel awful.
Quote of the week: “Some days I am more wolf than woman, and I am still learning how to stop apologizing for my wild.”
- Nikita Gill
UNTIL the next one,
Lauren xo
I'm on my way back to London on a quick train (only one stop) and here's what I'm currently thinking about: one time I took a picture (while on a crowded commute) of this black Labrador sat opposite me. There were no seats free so we were crammed into the vestibule - me, the dog and the dog’s owner perched on the permanently damp carpet of a south-west England train. To my horror, I’d accidentally left the flash on when I went to snap the adorable pooch. I apologised immediately but the exchange haunts me to this day.
Okay, now we've relived that horrific moment let's answer the question in today's post: Yes? Because, why not?
12 months ago I would've vehemently disagreed. Past life Lauren thought being vulnerable meant sitting down with a guy and saying: 'well, unfortunately, this happened to me... and then this... and then that... AND then this also happened... and it was bizarre and I'm really just trying to come to terms with it all... is that alright? What do you think? It's awful, isn't it? Oh, God. I don't feel any better for telling you, I don't even know you... I'm going outside to call my parents and I'll probably vomit in an alleyway, can you please watch my bag while I do that?'.
Orchestrated in my head with all the dramatic trimmings, this was something I was not prepared to put myself through, obviously.
Now future, adult, slightly more rational mid-twenties Lauren realises it's not about laying out your entire life story immediately. I mean, it could be if it's the right person I don't know, but for me, honestly, vulnerability means being yourself, as corny as that sounds. Admittedly, first dates can be rather tricky (especially if you met on a dating app, it's basically a blind date) and there's a tendency to want to really impress the opposite party, sniff each other out like dogs and wonder if the guy with the Guinness moustache opposite you will get on with your brothers. It can be so awkward and everyone's so nervous, how can you be yourself? Maybe you throw in a Latin phrase (I've done this, don't do this), maybe you order something you usually wouldn't, maybe you tell them something you wish you hadn't whatever, whatever, whatever, take a deep breath and think, are you there for them or you? Would you be having a good time with you? (Yes, by the way, the answer is always yes).
I told a guy once (on a first date) that I read the newspaper specifically on Wednesday’s because I liked the way the restaurant critic (Fay Maschler) wrote. This was an interaction I later chastised myself for because my admission sounded so uncool. But I really did love reading those reviews in the paper on a Wednesday evening, why did I hate myself so much for mentioning it?
Plus restaurant reviews are great.
Yes? Yes.
Honestly, it's futile not being yourself, pointless, all the tiny things about you that you think are banal or uninteresting all fuse together to form the perfect concoction that is YOU.
Relevant quote: “Never go in search of love, go in search of life, and life will find you the love you seek.”
- Atticus
Goodbye, farewell, until the next one,
Lauren xo
I started writing this post when I was on the tube at half seven on Thursday. It was quiet, very quiet but understandably so. Usually crammed full of commuters, tourists and people wanting to get home, when we calmly came to a halt at Liverpool Street there were about three people on the platform. Its been almost a week since I dipped my toe back in the tube travel pool, and I have to say, I'm finding it very unnerving. Everyone was wearing masks, of course, but it still felt surreal.
Another week in my life, let's get into it.
1. Social distancing reminders on the train.
2. A very quiet Liverpool Street station.
3. DRUM ROLL PLEASE I made my own katsu curry sauce! Here is the recipe. It was actually delicious, I let it cook down for a while and it became really thick and yummy. I used store-bought breaded chicken breasts and added sweetcorn and grated carrot. It recommends straining the sauce but until the other day, we didn't' have a sieve so I just used a blender to make it smooth. Yum.
5. Banana bread Jules brought home from work, it was delicious too.
6. Empty Regents Street last weekend after my friend and I went for dinner.
Other bits:
1. I found Jacqueline Colley on Etsy yesterday while looking for some prints for my room. Based in Hackney, her work is great!
2. I've just signed up for the VSCO membership (which is £19.99 for the year) because I was using the KC25 filter for free last week. I've seen you can get custom borders too but I haven't fully figured out how to use it yet. Stay tuned!
Something to think about going forward: "I’ve always had the view that how successful you are is really a function of how you deal with failure. If you deal with failure well and you persist, you have a high probability of being successful."
I am exhausted.
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
This, Dear Readers, is my 300th post.
Welcome.
I’m working in our living room and it smells slightly of off milk coupled with something stale which reminds me of being on an aeroplane. Next to me on the floor is a hastily ripped open box from amazon because I ordered us some sieves last night for the flat. I’ve not worn makeup for three days and it’s so nice to sit here and rub my eyes without worrying if I’m going to fuck up my eyeliner. I caught my nail in the fridge door and I’m chewing off remnants of keratin because the split is just that bit too low.
300
300
300
What makes this a special post?
Hmmmmmmmmm. I need to return an ASOS parcel because I bought an oversized boyfriend shirt (ironic) that makes me look more like a painter having a mid-life crisis and less like a stylish post-royal-family Princess Diana (which I wanted). I also bought a top which ties at either side of my body but it fits me like an A4 piece of paper.
The bunting is on pause for the time being because last weekend completely got away from me. I woke up with a folded C in my bed this morning and, after breakfast, stared at it partially crumpled on the floor as I tried to figure out where it came from.
I’ve found myself listening to a lot of the music I used to play when I was 17/18 - I hope my neighbours don’t mind. It oddly helps me concentrate, and after a few bad anxiety attacks this week, has enabled me to feel a bit more grounded in myself.
300
300
The button on an old ice hockey jersey I’m wearing just ripped through and broke. I felt it pulling earlier in the supermarket when I was buying crusty bread and tomatoes. I think even if I sew it now it won’t help.
Do you ever write something and then read it back and think ‘fuck, I nailed that?'
My friend's perfume makes me feel sick and I'm trying to work out how to tell her.
Does anyone get anxiety before positing a letter?
300
I started this blog in 2016 when I was just a few months shy of turning 21. What a tumultuous and destructive plate I was about to be served. Just now I was putting some butter away in the fridge and decided to give my brain a metaphorical pat on the back for how hard we’ve both worked together to erase so many painful memories. I’m also slightly cursing the organ in my skull for frequently donning a pair of rose-coloured glasses and being an idiot.
Also as this is the 300th post I want to thank my blog, The Lauren Edit, for being my rock, my cornerstone, my silly little slice of the Internet that got me my masters, my first internship, probably my second and most definitely my job AND ultimately, the fuck out of Edinburgh.
Well done 20-year old Lauren, you strong woman.
I actually went back and found my first post, which you can read here, I am as apologetic as ever.
Also, thank you to anyone who has come to read my blog over the years, I hope you have been able to find something in my writing that resonates with you!
To finish, here is my forever quote: “Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women."
- Nora Ephron
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
I've been slopping around the flat this entire weekend wearing the same clothes. Obviously, I've changed at various points: for outings to the park or for quick trips to the supermarket. However, I have practically lived in black shorts, a very oversized orange t-shirt, some white Uniqlo socks (which are a few sizes too big) and a pair of Birkenstocks on the loosest notches.
Another week down as we hurtle towards September, let's get into it.
Just an update on the bunting progress: I'd give it a solid 5 out of 10 right now. It took me the best part of the yesterday to make but I think I've gone for a quote that's too long - I'm attempting 'Sincerely Yours, The Breakfast Club' (scroll to the bottom for a picture) - and I'm realising it's too LONG, it's maybe too big? I had a pressure mark on my hand from cutting out so many's E's. Fuck. Okay, restart.
1. Jules bought a toastie maker so here is my nutritious work lunch (cheese & ham toastie + Dairylea Dunkers).
2. I made this cake at the weekend after some plans got cancelled (I don't know what I was thinking) it looks like Play-Dough.
3. Mark your Tropicana
4. A flyer was in our letterbox from McDonald's so I've added it to our living room wall. What do we think? It's quite conceptual, isn't it? Have you ever seen a McDonald's burger like this in real life? Probably not.
5. Friday afternoon doodles, do you think these drawings look like me? Because they're supposed to.
6. I've marked the table in the living room as my designated workspace so my beloved Birth of Venus jigsaw had to go. Here's one final close up before she was put back in the box.
7. My print from Eva Malley arrived! Look!! So cute, I LOVE IT. Check out her stuff here. I also want to get something from Amy Victoria Marsh when I get around to it.
Other bits:
I almost forgot to mention that I finished my book: Where The Crawdads Sing. Oh my GOddddd you have to read it. So good. It's one of those books that's so good you wish you could erase your memory and read it again. I've just started The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, which has really great reviews so stay tuned for how I get on with that.
How about a quote? (and something I'm trying to bring into my life)
“You must be prepared to work always without applause.” - Ernest Hemingway
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
ANYWAY.
At 4pm, every day, without fail, I hit a metaphorical wall. I slump in my chair and usually go and annoy Jules after making a cup of tea. Today I’m Googling ‘funny party banners’ (and listening to Wolf Alice) in my ten minute Pomodoro Method* break because I want to make one for above my bed. Are craft shops open? I think this is going to my weekend project (which is good because I need to get out and buy some ground ginger). What colour paper should I get? What should it say?
Sweet Dreams?
Fuck Off?
Carpe Diem?
Stormy Weather?
Be Brave?
Take it Easy?
Start Over?
Night Shift?
Not Today?
In Your Dreams?
It’s a coin flip between Night Shift and Sweet Dreams. I’m splitting hairs. Should it read Sweet on one row and Dreams underneath, or all be on one line? The level of detail is stressing me but I really want to plan this properly. Should I make a template for the letters? No - I’m just going to go in freehand. What do we think about pale yellow? It could look great. I know my room has subtle hints of pink but it feels a bit done? Like I’ve nailed the soft pink vibe.
I’m also a little concerned that my room is starting to get overcrowded with the random stuff I’ve collected after living in London for nearly a year, but I think this might be the final addition, then I’ll be good. (Edgy bedroom of an art school graduate who now works in media? Yes, very much so).
Okay, I'm excited about this DIY project, stay tuned for the outcome.
In other news we have water coming through our ceiling when it rains really hard and a bucket in the living room to catch the drips. So there's that I guess.
idk, bye
Lauren xo
*Pomodoro Method - this is a working time management thing I’m trying to utilise which breaks down my day. I do 50 minutes followed by a ten minute break, then take an hour for lunch if I can. (I’m not sure if this is right but this is how I’m doing it).
The haircut happened today. I'm transformed; I feel amazing. I have new jeans on, I'm ready. Everyone was wearing face coverings, myself included, so I didn't get to see my hair properly till I got home. Trusting the British summertime, it actually started to rain before my trim was even over. I then had to leg it to the bus stop using a knitted cardigan as an umbrella.
Another wild week in my life, let's do it.
Second week back at work and I spent it sweating in our poorly ventilated London flat. I was just going through my camera roll looking for some nice pictures and it's a stream of endless selfies where I am perspiring uncontrollably.
I have missed work so much, honestly, so much.
1. Working in a cafe for the first time since lockdown started.
2. Look at this sky. (I was on my way to the park and I can't even remember what for)
3. The government Eat Out to Help Out is scheme is on Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's to encourage people in the UK to go out to restaurants again. Jules and I had two tacos each, a side of pinto beans and shared nachos for £12.80. (Yes this is the exact same order I had last weekend, I've hit my DF Tacos quota for the month I am aware)
4. Weekly decaf iced latte from my favourite local coffee shop.
5. Em's £8 beans on toast + an almond croissant
6. THE HAIRCUT (I'm very glad I got my mop sorted, my hairdresser told me I'd done a good job with cutting my fringe but I think he was just being nice)
Other bits:
1. This Throwing Fits Jonah Hill podcast episode
2. I follow @evamalleyart on Instagram after seeing her create some prints on TikTok. She released a few art pieces on Friday and I'm so glad I could buy one! Check her store out here.
3. PAUSE. I just legit plucked a one-inch hair from my neck. AT LEAST one inch. I'm disgusted. Like fully, growing from my throat. My God. And I had no idea?!
4. I had a work call in the week hosted on Google and I was quickly eating a KitKat at the beginning and no one told me that part of it had melted onto my FACE.
Quote for the week before I goooooo: "When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love" - Marcus Aurelius
Until next time,
Lauren x
Right, okay, so not to toot my own horn or anything but I’ve actually become quite good at this whole cooking thing during lockdown. I’d say four months ago I could just about put together an edible bolognese or lasagne, just about. These were things I’d make in advance on the weekend so I could easily freeze and eat them later down the line after a random gym session or whatever. Bland, poorly seasoned and usually a bit gross I haven’t cooked either of these meals since my skills have improved dramatically.
Now you can find me in the kitchen whipping up a carbonara, or maybe a chicken pie, or maybe a vegetable curry, or maybe even some salmon with a paprika crust cooked in honey (sounds a bit weird but I promise it isn't). I finally have the time to shop for the right ingredients, to let things cook properly and most importantly, the belief that what I’ve made will turn out alright. (Albeit sometimes it can go a bit tits up). There are days, of course, when Jules and I get takeout, or I might want something quick (like just pasta and cheese ha) or on occasion, I might have some frozen chicken goujons that I want to eat. However, however, 8 times out of 10 I will cook from scratch, thoroughly enjoying the process as well as the satisfaction I get from putting together a nice meal. I've come a long way.
Trigger warning. Also, I am speaking very openly about topics which are difficult for me to come to terms with still and I apologise in advance if anything I mention is upsetting to read
It would be a gross understatement to say that I’ve always had a fantastic, functioning, loving, stable and healthy relationship with food. When I was younger, eating for me was like a complex minefield. Battling the ‘if I eat I feel sick and if I don’t eat I feel sick’ cycle as I progressed into my twenties, I struggled with dining out, dining at home, large plates of food, strong-smelling food, swallowing food and the process of preparing food itself. It's a tricky one because when you're in it, you don't realise how bad it is, and most of the time (my parents excluded) the people around you don't notice.
I wish I had a magic formula to share with you to make it better, but I don't.
I often stand in my kitchen in London and think about how bad it was, arms deep in some cooking attempt that could go right or wrong, imagining what my younger self would say to me if she could see me now. On the other side of it, I think it would be slightly too easy for me to tell you that I just grew out of what I was going through because I didn't, not really. It took a long time and involved me pretty much retraining myself to eat regular meals at regular times while getting my anxiety and panic attacks under control. (I had counselling during this time which I highly, highly recommend). There were (and still are) really tough days, migraine filled days, days where I felt sick but was never actually sick, days where I ate enough and days where I still didn't.
Then, after what felt like months of walking around with plastic bags hidden inside every bag I own, I found myself in a restaurant not thinking about where the toilets were in case I wanted to be sick; nor was I deliberately picking places where I knew the menu off by heart so I could eat ‘safe meals’ (food I was able to consume without worrying if I was going to be seeing it later on). Even typing that out now feels bizarre, and makes me sad, desperately sad. Sometimes I remember the really hard, super, dark tricky days (which I won't get into) but I am so proud to be where I am now, having developed a much healthier relationship with food, and myself :-)
I try and be frank myself when I talk about it, and honest with other people too. This has enabled me to feel less shame while also giving my friends and acquaintances a space to talk about their issues because chances are people are going to know exactly what I'm talking about anyway. I also try and be frank with myself when I think about it, separating my anxiety from my relationship with food.
Finding a passion for cooking during quarantine has been a saving grace, and I go into each week thinking of different recipes I can follow or try out. Handling food, tasting the ingredients as I go and heading to the shops to buy different things is a past time I look forward to.
Goodbye, I'm gonna go demolish a bacon bagel.
Lau-ren xo
P.S. It gets better, I promise.
(It's GOD KNOWS how many degrees in London but I just decided to mix together the batter for a load of double chocolate cookies. I bought milk chocolate chips earlier in the week and they've somehow congealed, in the confines of my kitchen cupboard, to form this sort of weird looking gloop...)
I apologise for not splitting the week up with an exciting post but I got too *~\\busy//~*
Another crazy week in my crazy life. Let's get into it.
Actually, wait before we start, I had my first week back at work after four months of furlough here in the UK. Its really flown by, honestly. I'm shocked. From remembering when the parks shut to not being able to see my family, from dodging public transport to not venturing beyond a mile from our flat, Jules and I somehow, miraculously, managed to fill 16 weeks of unstructured mornings, afternoons and evenings, both unsure if or when we were going to return to employment.
I think there's a sort of slight misconception that I've been on holiday? Or had this time to do some intense soul searching while starting 14 side careers. When in-fact my anxiety hasn't been as bad as it is right now for almost three years. Its been a tough one.
(I just used micellar water to remove my makeup and my face is burning)
1. This is my attempt at making an office desk in my bedroom, including the beautiful roses I picked up last week at the market. As you can see on the right-hand side, I've tried to hide/move all my usual items so it felt less like a vanity desk and more like an office. It sort of worked. Also, look at the undefeated morning combination of iced milky coffee? Latte? Rice Krispies and cold water.
2. An evening of reading in the park. I've nearly finished Where The Crawdads Sing and its been SO good that I don't want it to end.
3. Jules' addition to our door buzzer. WEAR YOUR MASK.
4. Decaf iced latte while I try and adjust to the heat.
5. My treat for the week because I deemed it too hot to stand over the oven and cook. I got buttermilk chicken tacos, pinto beans and nachos. Honestly incredible.
OTHER BITS:
1. This Ted Talk on depression is essential, I might watch it again.
2. This Vogue article on relationships by Annie Lord which includes the quote: "Some things are difficult to run away from. They come back and find you anyway" *thinks deeply about one's life*
3. This blog piece about someone doing a complaint detox
4. I feel personally attacked by a pair of Weekday high waist jeans I bought that I couldn't get over my thighs which I now have to return.
5. What do we think about the cable knit sweater vest trend going around at the moment?
A THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK FROM THE DAILY STOIC BOOK that I should be reading in small nibbles, but instead I'm just flying through it all one go. “How many have laid waste to your life when you weren’t aware of what you were losing, how much was wasted in pointless grief, foolish joy, greedy desire, and social amusements— how little of your own was left to you." - Seneca
Until the next one,
Lauren xo
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